This week I went out on my own. No marker, no commentary from the buggy, nobody to see a thing.
Because nobody marked the card, it doesn’t count for my handicap. Which is just as well. 149. Out in 75, back in 74, and thirteen shots worse than my best.
So yes. Chapter 2 is the one where it goes backwards.
The card, hole by hole
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Out |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 4 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 35 |
| Me | 9 | 9 | 3 | 12 | 7 | 8 | 11 | 12 | 4 | 75 |
| Points | 0 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 13 |
| Hole | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | In |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 4 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 37 |
| Me | 10 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 74 |
| Points | 0 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 10 |
Total: 149 gross, 23 Stableford points (course handicap 56, yellow tees). Not a counting round, as I had no marker. My handwriting on the actual card is about as reliable as my driving, so these are the true numbers.
The lowlights
The 4th, a par 5 of 496 yards, took twelve. The 8th is 297 yards, the second-shortest par 4 on the course. It also took twelve. I’m starting to think twelve is my natural number.
On a couple of holes I needed three goes off the tee. The worst was the 7th. There’s a line of bushes running right in front of the tee, and my drive went straight into them, as if they’d been planted there specially for me. It took three attempts before one finally stayed out. Eleven on a par 4.
Then there was the 10th. I put the ball in the water. Fine, these things happen. I took my drop, a one-shot penalty, lined up the next one with great care, and hit it straight back into the same water. Another drop, another penalty. Ten on a par 4, drops included. If there’s a fish living in that pond, it now has a matching pair.
I wrote little notes on the card as I went round, which seemed like a good idea at the time. Reading them back is like reading your own police statement.
- 14th: “3 off T, 3 putt.” Three goes off the tee and three on the green. Nine.
- 16th: “Sand x2.” This is the 154-yard par 3 where I made a par two weeks ago. This time I visited the bunker twice. Eight.
- 17th: “3 putt just short.” The most painful three words in golf are “just”, “short” and “again”. Eight.
But the 3rd is mine now
The 3rd hole at Brynhill is a par 3 of 148 yards. Two weeks ago I made my first ever par there. This time the tee shot didn’t find the green, but the second shot did, and stopped here:
Tap in. Par. The last two times I’ve played the 3rd, I’ve made par both times. I’m thinking of asking the club to name it after me. Lisa says that’s not how it works.
And then there’s the 9th. It’s 133 yards, the shortest hole on the course, and a fortnight ago it took me nine. This time: four. Still a bogey, but five shots better on one hole. At this rate I’ll have it down to a par by Christmas.
What I’ve learnt
Here’s the hopeful bit. When I worked out my Stableford points afterwards, I got 23. My counted round in September, the one that helped get me my handicap, was 24. So eleven shots worse on the card, and just one point behind on Stableford. The handicap system is kind to a man who takes twelve: once a hole has gone, it’s gone, and it doesn’t drag the rest of the round down with it.
And the notes on the card point the way forward. If I’d two-putted on the 14th and the 17th, and got out of the sand first time on the 16th, that’s three shots back. Without hitting a single better drive.
Everyone assumes beginners lose their shots off the tee. I certainly lose plenty there. But this round says the short stuff around the green is costing me just as much, and the short stuff is the easiest thing to practise. You don’t need a driving range or a free afternoon. You need a putting green, a sand trap and a bit of patience. So that’s the plan for the next fortnight.
What’s in the bag (and what is that?)
A few of you asked about the old clubs from Chapter 1. Here they are, in all their glory.
- The Wilson irons. About fifteen years old and, to be fair to them, still going.
- A Wilson 3-wood and a Firepower Fazer 5-wood. Neither of which I’d call reliable, though they’d probably say the same about me.
- Two drivers. One is a TaylorMade 320Ti with 9.5 degrees of loft. That’s the kind of driver a man chooses when he’s never going to need help getting the ball in the air. I need help getting the ball in the air.
- The black one. Stamped “64°”. For anyone who doesn’t play, most golfers’ most lofted club is somewhere around 56 or 60 degrees. Mine is 64. It’s less a golf club and more a garden spoon. This is the one that made the club pro look at it and say, “What’s that?”
I haven’t yet found a shot on the course that actually calls for a 64-degree wedge. When I do, you’ll be the first to know.
Next round, Lisa’s marking, so the card counts. The number is still 128.
